The Graffiti on Men’s Public Restroom Stalls in Redneck Texas


The men’s public restrooms’ toilet stalls at least in Texas, where I have lived all my life, are almost always covered wall to wall inside the stall with graffiti. Most of the colorful epigrams are scribbled in ink, or sometimes magic marker, which the authors must bring with them just for this purpose. A certain percentage of the graffiti is etched into the paint with a key, or possibly a pocket knife.

Despite constant, periodic attempts, in the more upscale restrooms, to paint over the tasteless works of all the ribald authors, the walls are instantly refilled with the unstoppable phenomenon of graffiti, written by squatting defecating men.

First of all, 60% of this “prose” just is the two classic words “Fuck You.” Then ranks lusty sexually graphic descriptions of how , a guy who is surely taking a dump,” loves pussy” and fucking in general. At the University, a guy who I am assuming was Biology major wrote “I live for the titration of vaginal fatty acids.” I have to give full credit to higher education in the field of natural sciences.

It is of interest that this phenomenon of defecation and male sexual ideation has a biological basis in all probability. Guys will feel uncomfortable to hear this but the rubbing of the prostate gland creates pleasure sexually. It does NOT mean that guys are gay to feel this. It is a true fact I read in a sexual study written by physicians. So I think that this may be why most men who are defecating write the crudest sexual things, because they are having sexual stimulation from the rubbing of the prostate (during the bowel movement evacuating fecal matter out of the rectum.) I think that this results in increased sexual ideation.

However I think that the violent “Fuck You!” is probably just anger and does not fit this theory. Maybe ‘Fuck You!” is written by frustrated, retentive, constipated men? Or possibly it is mixed with sex. I have read several psychology books where the statement is made “Sex and Violence are inextricably linked and confused.” I do not understand this. It scares me to even read that. It sounds like a rapist. I have never felt any anger with sex, quite the contrary, sex makes me smile a lot. It is disturbing to think but maybe sex and anger happens in some guys. So the bowel movement may be the result of this? I don’t know that sounds far-fetched. Whatever the case or cause, there is a lot of violence in the stall graffiti.

In public restrooms outside the University the graffiti is much less scholarly and lower brow. There are the hateful racist rednecks, and Neo Nazi skin heads who scratch “I hate all fuckin niggers and wetbacks!” on the stall wall with a key. These redneck hate speech ethnic slurs’ text are scratched away with a key or struck through with a line of ink by an angry “Nigger or Wetback” Once struck out these racial slurs are almost always followed by a reply underneath the stuck out text. The offended racial groups quite justifiably reply with retorts like “crackers suck dick,” and of course just simply the appropriate pithy, laconic “Fuck you, racist Neo Nazi asshole.” Next this reply is scratched or partly effaced, and under the reply there is another partially illiterate redneck or Neo-Nazi -want-to-be who etches another fatuous retort to “Fucking Niggers or Wetbacks” I live in Texas, shameful womb of the Ku Klux Klan, and “Death to niggers” is not an uncommon reply.

Next in graffiti, and this is fairly common, at least to redeem for the sex and violence, there are some humorous, non-sexual, and non-violent topics, which are harmless. There are the well-worn poems about farting, bowel movements, or my personal favorite, “Be like dad, not like siss, lift the lid before you piss.” There is always a poem I see “Here I sit broken-hearted, came to shit but only farted.” There is always some asshole who writes “for a good fuck call _____, “then the name and number of a girl who is probably real, and rejected them sexually, or simply turned them down for a date. It can’t actually be helpful advice with an altruistic suggestion on where to find a vigorous sexual partner — why would any man want to share a “good fuck?” That would be in direct opposition to how men’s primitive midbrain logic works.

It also goes against the whole theory of Natural Selection and the goal of passing one’s genes on. By theory, as horribly sexist as it is, a male is supposed to want to make “his babies,” and avoid the un-coveted female partner having “maybe babies.” To add insult to injury of feminism then the theory states that the men want to be as promiscuous as they can to spread their genes. Of course the male then wants the female to be non-promiscuous to avoid “maybe babies.” It is just plain unfair, I like to think that human males can overcome this. However I do know for a fact that many, many guys do “think this way,” even though they are monogamous (hopefully). It is so shameful of us, but I think that this is unfortunately a hard wired evolutionary trait that has well outlived its time. We males need to evolve, and keep up with the times, and quickly. Isn’t that right ladies?

Back to the graffiti: very interesting to me is the graffiti by gay men. I am not gay myself; but I could care less if anyone is gay, I don’t have a problem with homosexuals. It may be uncomfortable for some heterosexual men to read about this, but I am going to expound upon this topic at some length, as it makes good writing material.

Gay man’s graffiti: occasionally a gay man pens a most altruistic offer on the stall wall. They write on which day of the week, and also the exact time of that day, for anyone interested, to return to that very stall and “Get a great blow job…”

Now I am sure that this offer is genuine in some cases. I say this because the University I attended, in the little used but large, library restrooms, the doors were removed from all of the stalls. This was due to the fact that gay men were indeed pairing up in locked stalls. Someone from the library staff informed me of this so I know the following on good authority.

When the incidents were first reported, and then detected by University security, the stall doors were not removed. Security would just monitor the bathrooms and look underneath the stall doors, and if necessary, then interrupted a furtive fellatio fest. The Library had solved the problem, or so they thought.

The University deemed it necessary to remove the restroom stall doors, when Security became unable to detect the orally electrifying hook-ups. This was because, and I at least have to give the gay students credit for being so clever, they were now in stealth mode and pairing up undetected and in the stalls together. This was because one student was seated on the toilet and the other was standing in a shopping bag. (I find this image a bit yucky personally, however I must at least give credit to the resourcefulness and intelligence of the inventors of the idea of nob-bobbing in a sack race to the finish line.

Now as for other public restrooms, like those stinking, one-room bathrooms outside of gas stations; I think that the blow job offer is more just a homoerotic, yet earnest wish. In any case in these crude common bathrooms, at least in Texas, I suppose it is possible that the coarse sort of repressed homosexual rednecks, if one of them was initiated enough, might shows up at the date and time of the gay to beat the shit out of a “fag.” This is personally sad to think about, especially since the blow job offers, in as much as they are literally the only kind words that are ever written on the guy’s bathroom stalls walls.

As far as I’m aware this is basically all the graffiti generally seen in Texas. I would bet my house that it is probably the same anywhere.

I have never been inside a women’s public restroom so I have always wondered what types of graffiti are written on the walls inside their bathroom stalls. I don’t think that there is any way they could be as base and crude in their prosaic filth as men are. I know from 30 years of reading the walls inside men’s public restroom stalls, I have digested the total of all existing graffiti written and scratched on every possible square inch of the walls of any of the hundreds of men’s public restroom stall. You don’t have to read it, just have a linguist and a chemist, compile, write down, and analyze all that entire testosterone saturated graffiti. Then just chop all up those shitty misspelled transcribed sentences into alphabetic characters. Mix all those ABCs it with water and run it through distilling process. Once it condenses down, it is all basically summed up it in just two words.

Two words, that’s about we guys are capable of, two words; the universal epigram of “Fuck You.”

I’d like to at least believe that just maybe, in a perfect world, if you happen to be gay and return to that one particular stall on any Monday at 1:30, and some repressed homosexual redneck doesn’t show up and beat the shit out of you-”You wind up getting a great blow job.”

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